January 27, 2011

Let's Go Drive a Car...

On Belgian roads of tar; let's go drive a car, and send it stalling! Up on a hill somewhere, up where the cars aren't there, oh let's go...drive a car!

We went to the bulk grocery store today. But if you only want one of any bulk item, you are actually supposed to tear it open and take out just one. True story. If only shopping at Costco were that simple. I wandered toward the front of the store to make sure they took credit cards, and I was so sure they did. We proceed to check out, and voila! No, we do not take Visa or MasterCard. Super cool.

Martina contributes all her cash, and I toss in my 3 Euro, and we only have to put back one of my Sprite Zeros. As we are loading the goods into the back of the Euro car, I go to hand Martina a large jar and put it right in the strike zone...and we have a ground jar to mid-center! For those fleeting seconds, my thoughts went as follows:

1. AH it's going to shatter on Martina!
2. AH AH it's going to shatter on the shopping cart!
3. HEY! Maybe after 3 bank shots off the cart, it might not break after all...
4. WOW, so that's what compote puree looks like on pavement. Peachy.

A special shout-out to Avril Lavigne for publicly asking why I had to make things so complicated while we were wandering about for an ATM.

I don't think the number "10" accurately describes my now second time attempting to drive a manually operated vehicle. While appearing to be a somewhat modest goal at the beginning, I now sound downright crazy. If only it was as easy as flying a kite (wait, my kite was always dragging on the ground), and I came down with a case of Mary Poppins' practical perfection, then I could possess the 4-limb coordination necessary to make the car GO.

Everything went relatively okay, until an 5-way intersection on a small hill that I believe we were at for at least 5 minutes. The cars behind me finally just went around, and Martina and I switched seats. All I know is at this point, my left quad is screaming at me for negligence. After 2 surgeries, 2 cortizone shots, and whatever else has happened to my left leg when I haven't been looking, I don't know if me and the 5-speed are really meant to be. But the biggest issue I have with a stick-shift car is I have to worry so much about keeping the machine working, that driving becomes a low priority - AKA the definition of safety. Coming soon: Swags stalling on a street near you. Bound to be a huge hit, let's just hope not with another car.

Got to go to the beautiful Pizza Hut today! I found out that a Hawaiian pizza in Belgium includes mushrooms and onions, as well as having a slightly altered crust. The Pizza Hut was a full-fledged restaurant, though, and a waitress seats you and everything. Martina and I even got free soda while we waited for our take-out box. Well, at least we think the lady said it was free. We all know soft drinks are way overpriced (water, air, and sugar, come on!), so this was then perhaps just our small way of trying to even out the ways of the world.

Our manager, Daniel, addressed our team tonight after training. He wanted to let us know we have gained 2 new sponsors, and he had a brochure for one of them for us to look through because we will be hosting some kind of Mary-Kay-come-to-my-girlie-party-and-buy-crap-you-don't-need for all the girls in the volleyball club. It's all swanky lingerie, and we're supposed to market it to the rest of the girls in the volleyball club, you know, the 12-16 year olds. Aside from the moral absurdities, the cheapest items are the underwear, and they are 10 Euro each. $13 underwear is not going on my body, and should be beautiful enough to display on the living room wall. Every dainty and gentle sweetness of my essence is, oh, so delighted to anticipate such a charming social!

Please let me know if any of you are interested in making a lingerie investment. I learned a Czech word today! Spojka (pronounced "spoy-kuh"), spojka, spojka, always spojka! Look it up on Google Translate, and then you can maybe guess how I learned it.

Despite a day of disasters, I'm not dead! And neither is Martina! It has come down to that, hence we have all been a great success.


The American Who Can't Drive and Likes Sandwiches with Water