Monthly Musings with Marc - April

Fitting in Europe

I grew up in a military family and we moved often. This gave me the opportunity to live all over the United States, plus three years in Japan. I have lived in small towns, big cities, on military bases, East Coast, West Coast, and in both warm and cold climates. I have spent time visiting Latin America, working in Canada, and now nearly four years living and traveling throughout Europe.

I lived in Oceanside the longest!

All of these experiences have given me a unique perspective into what is great - and not so great - about living in the USA versus living in Europe.

As the song says, "I'm proud to be an American." However, we do not always do things best. Trust me, this was not easy for me to come to grips with originally. I wanted to live in Europe, but mostly because I wanted to continue my childhood experiences of being exposed to different cultures - not because I didn't want to live in the USA.

Europeans get a lot of things right, but they miss the mark on a few things, too.

Cigarettes.
Too many people here are trying to win the cancer lottery. I like a good cigar now and then, but never inside, and never when surrounded by people. The evidence of smoking is always apparent as there are cigarette butts everywhere. I miss the desire for clean air and clean streets.

Roundabouts - in the middle of nowhere.
When I drive through the countryside, the most annoying thing is the random mound that I have to slow down for and drive around. At first, these "bumps in the road" are pretty and not something you see often in the States. However, after three or four of these, I was over it. I miss simple highways with off ramps and stoplights. Never thought I would say that!

"Neck-breathers."
Personal space is not a thing in Europe. When standing in line or on the metro, be prepared to get to know the people around you, especially their scents. I may or may not have stepped on a few people's feet.... 

Despite these uncomfortable issues, my preferences have changed and it is interesting to look back on the biggest reasons why: transportation and nutrition.

I love riding the train and do not miss driving (refer to Roundabouts section). I like taking the bus more than driving my own car. It is neat that I have mastered the art of driving a manual vehicle, but when given the choice, I'll let the train conductor do the work. That isn't really an option in the States. Want to go to Vegas for the weekend? Long and boring drive or stupid expensive flight. In Europe, and especially in France, that is a smooth train ride on the cheap.

The train is even better when you know the conductor! Bonjour, Jean-Pierre!

In history class, we learn about how big of a deal it was that the East Coast and West Coast were connected by the Trans-Continental Railroad. That was in the 1800's. One line, east to west, and that was it. Nowadays, most trains you see in America are under the Christmas tree or in a museum. Real trains may not be as fast as planes, but they are cheaper and you get to see more.

I love the food and the food loves me. The food here is cleaner, leaner, and, in my opinion, yummier. Big shopping centers are an option, but it is so much cooler to walk around the corner to the local baker, butcher, or market for fresh food.

Grocery stores dominate food choices in America. Steroids and preservatives dominate the food. One of the first things I noticed in Europe was how much smaller the produce and animals were here. Corn is not as long as your arm and the chicken doesn't look like an albatross. Guess what? Still tastes great! If you like eating organic, move to Europe, because most things here are organic and a lot cheaper.

Castles are also one of the coolest things about Europe!

Everywhere has its high and low points and it is important that everyone finds the place that fits them. I believe I can make just about anywhere fit for me, but Europe definitely feels the best at this point in my life.

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The Versatility of Blogging

I love blogging.

Technically, I started What Up, Swags?! when I moved overseas for my first volleyball contract in 2011. But I've been steadily journaling since I was 13 years old, so I feel like I've been "blogging" a lot longer than just four years. It reminds me a lot of my two years as yearbook editor in high school, and my teenage dream of becoming a journalist has somewhere to play.

Aside from the presence of writing in my life, the idea that Volleyball = Travel has been my reality since I was . . . four years old! Sure, I wasn't on teams until I was 10 or 11, but my parents were coaches, and a 3-hour team road trip was normal. High school volleyball trips took me to Europe for the first time, college volleyball and coaching camps flew me all over the USA (free trips to Alaska and Hawaii!), Canada, and even to the Dominican Republic.

All that to say, whether my life as an expat athlete/coach abroad lasts two more months or two more decades, What Up, Swags?! is going to be here for a really, really long time. It has become how I "scrapbook," preserving great memories, but also serving as a reminder to who I was, who I am, and who I am becoming. Volleyball and sport will always be a part of my life in some form or another, so no matter where I end up, travel will always be on the agenda . . . and on the blog!



Which brings me to this fun kind of "pay it forward" award of the "Versatile Blogger!" Phoebe from the Lou Messugo Blog so kindly nominated me, and I'm thrilled to share this honor with several great bloggers!

I "met" Phoebe through her totally awesome #AllAboutFrance monthly blog link-up that she started a few months ago. The link-up has served as an excellent resource for all things French, and I'm so thankful she has taken the time to host for all of us Francophiles!

Phoebe, an expat her entire life, lives where all of us want to live: on the Côte d'Azur, and runs a beautiful gite (the French name for a holiday rental) that you should all check out! The thing I noticed right away and really appreciate about Phoebe is her global perspective on life. You've got to read her "7 interesting facts" because they will blow your mind! I can't wait to meet her in person someday, preferably while enjoying the sunshine and good life in the South of France.

The way this Versatile Blogger thing works is pretty easy:
-you display the badge;
-write a post linking back to the nominating blogger;
-write 7 interesting facts about yourself;
-nominate up to a maximum of 15 other versatile bloggers and say why you've nominated them;
-and make sure your nominees know they've been nominated!

Thanks again to Phoebe for the nomination, and on to my 7 interesting facts (also known as: what makes me different)!


7 Interesting Facts

1) "Swags" is not some silly attempt to be cool. My last name is actually "Swagerty," and "Swags" has been the nickname of choice for everyone in my entire family. We don't call each other "Swags," though, that would get confusing. We've been called "Swag," "Swags," and "Swaggy," at least since the 1950's, and way before anybody thought it sounded rad in a rap song.

2) The Eiffel Tower is my favorite place in the entire world - and I will never go to the very top. I don't understand the point of climbing to a view of Paris without the Eiffel Tower. The only time I just went to the old first level (now the second level after some refurbishing), I ran into a couple from my 1000-person private university. It was all too weird, and I won't dare go all the way up for fear of my odds of running into someone from my even smaller high school!

3) My job in France is to play and coach volleyball. I literally "work" about 15 hours a week. Best way to understand my life is like a free European vacation with some exercise. I've added things to my life after four years here, but when there's no English tutoring, and the French students go on their long holidays, it really feels like retirement in my twenties. Bummer.

4) I have never been drunk, and therefore have never had a hangover. I was always that athlete who didn't party. I had my first alcoholic drink five months after I turned 21, and thought it tasted like bad medicine. France has gently transformed me into a wine-lover, but I'm just never thirsty enough to drink "too much." I never have to drink alcohol to "have a good time," I can rest in the fact that I remember everything from every great time I've ever had, and I never have to feel like garbage the next morning.

5) I don't Facebook. I was the right age when it first stormed the college scene back in 2004, but finally brought myself to delete all of my data and account last year. Changed my password to something insane I could only remember in the moment, so the chance to reactivate my account is happily long gone also. The "news feed" drove me crazy and it didn't help my perceptions of anyone. It has been one of the best decisions in my life, and my blog (and life) has survived just fine without it.

6) Before I moved to Europe, the only food I really felt comfortable "cooking" was Kraft macaroni and cheese. Yes, the one in the blue box that even 7-year-olds can make on their own. I'd never been motivated to learn, due mostly to avoiding the stereotype of "women who cook and clean" and laziness. But my first home in Belgium didn't have a microwave or an oven, the stores didn't have mac-and-cheese, and I was finally forced to buy real food and make real meals. The gift of cooking is one of the wonderful things I'm thankful to have learned since moving overseas!

7) If I ever get the chance to live south of the equator, I hope it's in Uruguay or Australia. In my mind, I prefer Uruguay for the opportunity to really learn Spanish, but I'll happily move to either locale.


And the nominees are...

Adelante
Courtney will take you through Spain and the rest of the world through a gluten-free and gorgeous photo perspective.

The Thrifty Gypsy's Travels
Katrina does an excellent job showing off Virginia, the East Coast, and her free time travels around Europe.

Lauren on Location
Lauren will take you everywhere, and will make you want to go again and again.

Pretty Thing & Co 
Madaline does a beautiful job talking about Italy, and how to travel well with her adorable little girl, Florence.

Power Couple Life
Basically anything and everything about travel all over the world, from a couple's motivated perspective.

The Sunny Side of This
Isabel is one of those incredibly interesting people; a Mexican fluent in English who married a Slovenian, and shares her amazing - and relatively undiscovered - slice of Europe she calls home now.

Au Lit?
Holly is an Australian married to a Frenchman, and has the most extensive log of French châteaux I've ever seen.

Crumbs in the Bed
Kerri is a Brit studying her PhD in Belgium and she is laugh-out-loud funny about travel and life.

Bethany Carlson
Bethany is a photographer who just recently relocated to China with her husband and cats. Her honesty shines through her words and photos in all the best ways.


I hope you check out these other great bloggers, and everyone can pass it on to another round of awesome people!

For "How I Travel," check out the series here. Next week takes me to Sweden and Norway, on a spontaneous trip to visit a former volleyball player of mine! (I'm still in a bit of shock that I'm really going to Scandinavia in a week!)

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Childfree Series: 15 Things They've Said

These are the top 15 things people have said to me when they heard I didn't want to have kids. Starting with the words I found least offensive at #15, all the way to the #1 comment that breaks my heart.

Why you gotta be so rude?

(For the background on this series, see Childfree Series: Live Your Life!)

#15. "You'll love your own baby."

Love and like are two very different emotions in my world. I like a lot of things/people I don't love and I love a lot of things/people I don't like. I don't need to add to either population.

#14 "You'll love the feeling of being pregnant."

No. I won't. What a strange version of encouragement to give to a thin woman. All I hear is, "You'll love the feeling of getting bigger and bigger and bigger...."

#13. "Don't you want to see what they'll look like?!"

They have apps for that.

#12. "Don't you want grandchildren?!"

Nieces, nephews, great-nieces, and great-nephews will take care of any of those issues, should they arise.

#11. "Who will take care of you when you're old?!"

And if your kids hate you, who will take care of you when you're old? It's okay, you can come over to my place and we'll just take care of each other. (This is NOT a good reason to have children!)

#10. "Babysitting is not even close to the same! When it's your own kids, it is sooooo different!"

You're totally right. It's worse. You can't leave when their real parents come home.

#9. "You would make such a great mom!"

Thank you! Like I said before, I would have also made a great [lots of other things], but I'm not interested in becoming any of them.

#8. "But what if you do get pregnant? I need to know what will happen!"

I don't deal in hypothetical nightmares. Do you want to answer questions about things you never want to happen?

#7. "Nursing your child is one of the most fulfilling experiences a woman can have."

EW. Not all moms are always able to produce milk to nurse their babies (so this is not a guaranteed experience), and this saddens me for those women who want to have this intimacy with their children. But if a woman is grossed out by the prospect of childbirth (like me), referencing nursing is not going to help your cause.

#6. "You'll change your mind."

That's why adoption is the most beautiful act in all the world, and better for everyone. IF we change our minds, you're welcome.

#5. "That's not very Christian of you." // "You're breaking the first commandment."

Because judging me for making a wise decision about my life is sooooooo Christian of you. The commandment breaking thing was just so off-track, it became a 20-minute argument about what the Bible actually says. This guy said the first commandment was, "Go forth and multiply," told to Adam and Eve. I told him the real first commandment of the 10 (no other gods), and topped it off with what the New Testament says about the Old Law and how it can be summed up into two better commandments (love God and love your neighbor as yourself), plus what Paul had to say about married and unmarried people in 1 Corinthians. I "won" the argument when the guy was clearly wrong and tried to shake it off, saying, "I was just trying to make you mad." Seriously, what is wrong with some people? And don't mess with me on Bible trivia.

#4. "You were created to have children."

I was created to glorify God. Some women do that through having babies, I do that through shining the light that Jesus is on all the people around me. If every woman's purpose is to bear children, then have fun explaining that postulate to single, barren, or abused women. Haven't we moved on from the 1850s yet?

#3. "You don't know what you want."

And you do? Thank you so much for telling me I'm an idiot! Clearly, all I do is make poor decisions, just look at how horrible my life is.

#2. "I can't wait until you accidentally get pregnant so I can laugh in your face!"

I don't curse, but if I did, all of those pretty expletives would be inserted here and directed at you.

#1. "Maybe your family would visit you in Europe if you had children."

This hurts me so deeply. My family will only want to spend time with me if I procreate? When I start to think about this too much, I get so angry/upset/sad/crazy.

*     *     *     *     *
These are literally 15 quotes that real people (some men, but mostly women) have said to me out loud. I'm not easily offended, and I have had mostly very calm responses and a good attitude when listening to these comments. But every time I re-read the words and I remember the incredulous tones of their voices, the mocking expressions on their faces, and how completely disrespected I felt in these moments.

If you've been on the receiving end of quotes like these, you understand, and I stand with you. If you've ever said anything like this to anyone: apologize now and never do it again. Your words are so much more hurtful than helpful, and you are ruining the perceptions of young men and women of what it could possibly mean to become a parent.

You think you're being cute and encouraging, and really, you're just stirring up resentment and bitterness. You want to change someone's mind about having children? Leave alone the kids that don't exist, and ask them real questions about things that matter to them right now. Have conversations, and stop bullying people into situations that actually might not be good for them. Not everyone is meant to become a parent, and it's not anyone's job to determine who is and isn't - especially if the person is talking to a complete stranger!!! With loved ones, they should know that they are loved more than anything they could possibly procreate.

The best and most objective book I've ever read on the topic of whether or not to have children is Complete Without Kids by Ellen L. Walker. It was a free e-book on a reading app that I started reading when I was bored. The author is a psychologist who interviews all kinds of men and women who can define themselves as childfree - or childless, depending on your point of view - by choice, chance, or circumstance. Even if you want kids more than anything, this book can help everyone better understand the people like me who just aren't going to have kids.

What's really insane is that even mothers can relate to the comments I've received above. Being pregnant brings on a whole new onslaught of rudeness, from the guessing about due dates to the, "Are you having twins?" lines. Actual motherhood opens up the doors for all the "professional parents" out there to tell you how to raise your child. I'm sure women in all walks of life could make a list like this of ignorant, ridiculous, and rude comments we have received at some point or another.

The reality is that the rudeness will never really end. It sucks. But if we take the high road and each do our part to be a little less nosy and make fewer assumptions, we can better support each other and stop making things worse.

We will never be able to make everybody happy. Instead of wasting our time trying to please the haters, we must learn to be happy with ourselves and our partners, in whatever situations we face (by choice, chance, or circumstance!).

Your home is your sacred place, and it's up to you to make your sacred place a happy one. Whether you decide to fill it with people or things or as little as possible - your home will be what you make it!


Next up in the Childfree Series: Identity, Culture, Home.
 

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How I Travel: Where To Go?

It never occurred to me to count how many countries I've been to. It's just never been about a measurable goal or number to me; if I think a place sounds fun/cool/awesome, then I try to work it into my schedule. I read a friend's blog about getting to 20 countries before turning 30, and it made me pull up the map.

(At the end of this post is a super easy and fast "Europe: Where To Go?" regional quiz!
Take it to see which region of Europe you'll probably enjoy the most!)

How many countries will I have been to by the time I turn 30? (I've got like 277 days to go.)

I think 20. Depends on how you count the countries within the United Kingdom. To me, Scotland and Wales and England are completely different countries. And to play fair, if I get to count them in my total, then so do you!

Really, I was surprised by the number because I never even thought about trying to get there.

But then how did it happen?

Ultimately, living in Europe is like cheating on the country quest test. Step 1 always takes me to my calendar. Once those dates take on tangible time frames, the next tab in my internet browser brings me to Google Maps. Instead of having states around me, I have countries with totally different languages, foods, and cultures.

I LOVE THIS.

Even if you're not living in the Old World like we are, you still have the vast map of Earth at your fingertips! I remember going to college in Santa Clarita, California, essentially a blonde soccer mom suburb of Los Angeles, and still finding random new things to do and places to go with my friends.

We had no money and crappy cars (rest in peace, Bucky the Buick) and we dressed like complete bums. But we had fun everyday, finding hiking trails, playgrounds in parks, historical landmarks, free museums, and as many thrift stores as we could.

It all depends on your perspective of travel and adventure.

I'm not a globe-spinner. I'm not a trust fund kid. I don't have a relative in the airline industry. I don't have sponsors paying for my trips (not yet...).

How do I decide where to go during my free time?

1) Proximity + Budget

If I don't have much time (or money), I will try to visit somewhere close to home. The more time I have available to travel, the further the reaches of my options will be. I have a free weekend? Stay within 3 hours by train, or 1 hour by plane. I have two full weeks? Stay within 8 hours by train (brutal, but sometimes very cheap and worth it), or 4 hours by plane. Two months of summer? Okay, now I feel alright about investing the time and money to cross the ocean to another continent.

I use Kayak.com to search flights and SNCF.com for trains from Paris. 

For Europe, EasyJet has this cool interactive map called "Inspire Me" that lets you enter your budget and other filters to find a fun trip to take.

Another excellent calculator for time and transport options is Rome2Rio, where you can type in any to and from destinations and get results back for several types of transportation and prices.

2) Weather

Amsterdam was cold in the spring!

I will never go to Scandinavia in the winter time. I know it's beautiful, snow-covered, white peacefulness, blah, blah, blah, whatever. I won't do it. In the winter, I want to be somewhere warm, so I look at locations south of wherever we are. That's why we've gone to the Mediterranean, Nice, Rome, Madrid, and Málaga in December and January!

The fall is when I try to go to relatively cooler locations like London and Amsterdam, while also extensively enjoying Paris. Springtime makes me feel brave enough to venture anywhere, but I've still been hit with some windy and rainy days on those trips. During the summer, I just try not to get sunburned everyday. Fall and spring trips are completely decided by train and plane prices, and I try to find the best deals to go somewhere interesting.

Just check out the average temperatures and rainfall for your destination in advance here!

3) Fresh vs. Familiar

Sometimes, I'm excited to try something totally different and new, like my trip to Morocco this year. Other times, I want a guaranteed wonderful experience that's just good, old-fashioned, easy fun like my annual week in the Netherlands. I tend to intermingle these trips just enough that I'm always grateful for both sides of these experiences. An influential factor in this can be if I know someone who lives at the destination (whether the place is new or old to me) and can stay with them. Hello, no-cost and stress-free lodging! My two examples of Morocco and the Netherlands both happen to fall under the my-friends-live-there category - lucky me!

When I don't know someone to stay with at my destination, I make new friends and explore authentic neighborhoods through AirBnB. It's the best way to have a more local experience and not spend too much money!

4) Recommendations

Family, friends, and strangers (usually bloggers) who have traveled certain places and told certain stories that color a new world and a beautiful place have definitely impacted a lot of my travel decisions. Rick Steves was a good starting point for me when I was new to living in Europe, but since entering the travel blog community, I prefer reading about personal experiences instead of other travel websites like TripAdvisor or Lonely Planet.

There are so many excellent blogs by expats and travelers alike for Europe, recommending restaurants, places to stay, and things to do. It's really easy to plan a great trip just picking out the things you like from a bunch of other people's experiences! If you don't like reading blogs (thanks for reading this post, then!), following travelers on Instagram and Twitter is a quick way to see what's out there and what you might be interested in seeing and doing.

Some of the blogs (and Instagram and Twitter feeds) I find myself checking out the most are:

Oh, the places we will go!
Selena lives in London, but goes EVERYWHERE. Really fun destinations, easy to read, and tons of photos.

Simply Sara Travel
Sara lives in Paris, but travels all over France and Europe, showing off less known places that are just as amazing as the big cities.

Adelante
Courtney lives in Madrid, so I visit her page for Spain advice, but her travels extend all over the world. She's an incredible photographer as well!

Pretty Thing & Co
Madaline lives in Rome, and goes all over Italy for beautiful places, food, and things, of course!


But how will you know where you want to go?!

Here's an extremely easy 5-question quiz that will at least help you narrow down some regions in Europe that you will probably enjoy the most!

Europe: Where To Go?

If you are in the midst of planning a trip and need some itinerary planning help, comment below or email me!

Next up in How I Travel: What To Pack?

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How I Travel: When To Plan?

I thought of another reason I will never be French: I plan my calendar way earlier than two weeks in advance. (Seriously. Ask any French person what they're doing in 2 weeks. They have no idea.)

Here's the start to a new cluster of questions I get asked a lot: how do you travel? Followed by the classic Who (to take), What (to pack), Where (to go), When (to plan), Why (bother) of everything else. I always start with my calendar, so that is why this "When To Plan?" segment is first.

We are already loaded up on places to go and people to see through August!

I love planning travel. I am so excited to find the right plane ticket, the perfect train time, or the best AirBnB location. It's like an adventure puzzle that keeps getting more and more beautiful as the pieces keep fitting together. I know some travelers really hate planning their trips; email me, I'll help you!

With a little bit of creativity and a map full of interesting destinations, family, and friends, we've been able to lay the groundwork for what our summer (basically May through August) will look like. Some of it, Marc and I will go together, but this is what my specific schedule will be. If you want to know Marc's, just ask!

May: Portugal
-Lisbon and the Algarve. Sunshine and cousin time!

June: East Coast
-New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, and Massachusetts. Statue of Liberty, Jimmy Fallon, Tanya S., and Amanda!

July: Cross Country USA
-Washington, D.C., Virginia, Wisconsin, Idaho, and California. Alex, Grandma & Aunt Denise, Jenn's Crew, Tanya B., and Swagerty family!

August: Back to Europe
-Southern California, Scotland, and Netherlands. More Swagerty family, Wise family in Europe, and volleyball camp!

After that: TBD
-We live year-to-year. We'll see what job offers we can come up with, and where we can keep making our Euro lives work best!

Why do I make all these plans in advance?

1) It's cheaper.

I can do more for less. I have time to research prices and places, finding the best combination of dates and directions. The extra time helps me be patient to wait for the better deals, too. (If a destination is too expensive, it gets put on the shelf for later. Like, maybe when-we-have-real-jobs-later. But I also kind of hope "real jobs" never happen.)

2) It respects other people's schedules.

If I would prefer to stay with people, or even just see them at some point in the trip, I make it a point to email them so far in advance that they usually have nothing else planned. If they are busy, I still have time to find a way to work around it. (I hate when people email me a week before they come to Paris. I'm busy, dude!)

3) More options are still available.

I love options. I love making decisions between tons and tons of places, transportation types, and time frames. The worst is planning at the last minute, and THE flight you had to get is sold out or outrageously expensive. (I hate not getting my way.)

4) It's easy for me.

I can never just look at the current calendar month in front of me. I inevitably end up flipping to the next page, then the next, and the next, wondering what I can fit in and what opportunities I can create or maximize. My brain thinks in timeline format. (I am totally directionally-challenged, but I always know what time it is!)

I know a lot of travelers love spontaneous adventures, and have the time and money to jump on planes and trains on their every whim. Europe has granted us some fun trips that way because there are randomly really cheap train tickets, but ultimately, most of my trips are planned way in advance.

Travel (and anything) is best experienced when you know how you enjoy it. For me, I get more and more excited as I plan something. (Exception: our wedding. Should have eloped and thrown an expectations-free party way later.) I do not get more excited when I have no idea what is going to happen next. I do love a great surprise or discovery, but those things usually find me on their own.

What am I going to do?!

When I haven't planned is when I've ended up jumping over locked castle gates, walking 2 hours more than my feet could, sleeping in weird hostels, praying I can trust my life to random strangers, and eating overpriced crappy food. Great stories, but moments I could have lived without!

In a perfect world, my calendar is done a season (3-4 months) in advance. The bigger/farther the trip, the earlier it gets taken care of. Solo travel can be easier to plan because you only have to worry about your own schedule. I start my packing list at least two weeks in advance, knowing I'll make changes, and hopefully eliminating as much as possible to lighten the load.

And why do I do this?

Travel is the best education I've ever experienced.

When do you plan your adventures? Much respect to those of you who can pull off the spontaneous awesomeness!

Keep an eye out for the next segment in the "How I Travel" posts: Where To Go?!

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